You are Stressing Out the Connector!
A couple of weeks ago at one of my son’s basketball games I came up with a plan for world peace. Well, I’m going to test it at the little league sports level first, but I totally think its going to work.
We have a player on our team who is kind of tall for a 5th grader (my son, by the way, is a 3rd grader but the team needed to recruit in the lower grades to have enough players) and he can get rather emotional and, ahem, rough when he’s playing. One might even say grouchy. In fact, during this particular game the ref stopped the whole thing to walk across the gym, point him out, and let him know that “we don’t play basketball like that” when an under the basket tussle turned ugly.
The thing is, this little/big guy has, as my grandmother would sweetly proclaim, “had a difficult childhood.” And she would be right. An absent father and an addicted mother were two counts against him; I’m sure there were others. Most of that is in the process of complete reversal, but still the scars remain.
I imagined that parents of the other team might be tempted to comment negatively on our player, much like the parents on my side had pointed out a few hot heads on their team. Now, something you should know about me is my utter and complete discomfort in these situations. To be honest, I don’t even like it when my own husband critiques someone in the privacy of our own home. When that person is not there. And Dan has no plans to do anything about it. Its like I’m afraid that conversation is somehow going to escape the walls of our home, find its way into the ears of the victim, and permanently damage his or her psyche. I’m so weird.
I took a strengths test once that labeled Connector as my greatest strength. Reading that result was like a moment of lifetime validation. It’s why I stopped following an author on Twitter last night because I finally couldn’t stand his negative comments about others (he KNOWS anyone can search his tweets, right?, and Taylor might get her feelings hurt if she reads what you just tweeted about her! Even though her live performance at the Grammy’s was slightly less than stellar. But I’m sure there’s a good reason for that.) It’s why I know I’ll never be a big time blogger because I just hate talking about the topics that divide us and make us want to leave strongly worded comments.
So at that game I had an idea. What if, in the name of good sportsmanship, each team sent one parent representative to sit among the parents of the other team. Then, when the opposing team started to grumble about our big guy’s black cloud, I could tell them about how his life has only been stabilized in the last couple of years and really he’s so much better behaved than he was as a fourth grader. They, in turn, could give me back stories on their players. Understanding would ensue. Peace would prevail.
What do you think? Could this be a Nobel Peace Prize winning entry? I think so, too.
8 Responses to “You are Stressing Out the Connector!”
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- Can't get enough of @gungormusic's "Beautiful Things". Ruined for other music now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSQUFc7r6Dg
Awww! Put a little love in your heart! Well, not your heart, since it’s brimming with love but still.
I completely agree. I try to give people a mile–and when they use that up, a mile more.
There are talking heads on TV that make me want to scream, but then, like a good author, I try to picture them as a father, an uncle, a neighbor, a guy who loses a sock in the dryer, and then I can forgive them and go to bed and get back to my life.
But it’s hard. Really, really hard.
I’m better than Scott at this, but not near so good as you! It’s so awesome that you can be that way all the time, and I don’t think it’s in the least bit weird. It’s how we’re called to act, but very few live up to.
God doesn’t want us to run anyone down, and we’re guilty of it all too often. With others, and with ourselves.
Carol – I think this is more a natural personality trait in me than an actual spiritual gift. Sometimes it isn’t convenient AT ALL! I used to do it to my Dad and now I do it to Dan – always taking up the “other guy’s” side to the point that it seems like I’m against the person I’m with. Not good. But I’m learning to balance that. And basketball games would be DULL without a little friendly rivalry – I count on other people (like Scott) to bring out that side of the fun!
I would definitely nominate you for the Nobel on this. And I love your title so much. I’m with you on the discomfort in these situations. Ooh boy. I keep my mouth so buttoned during b-ball games that I forget to cheer at the good parts! I always feel like Barbara Hershey in Hoosiers. Just the little head nod and trying to bore a hole into the head of the person I’m proud of so they can feel my love.
Once again you are proving your genetic link to the Nicest Woman in the World, who happens to be my mother.
I love this idea – though I think it would be hard to be that parent representative!
The “Aye”’s have it! You are for sure getting nominated for that Peace Prize. And I SO agree. I was sitting in front of the opponent parents in the 2nd game Saturday and wanted to do EXACTLY what you describe.
I totally hear you on that one. If we knew each other’s stories, we would not ever be so quick to judge.
I think of that when it comes to our kids’ birth mothers. People are always shocked when we say they are our hero. The lives some of these girls have been subjected to by their families is heart-breaking. Then, to think they love their children SO much, they are willing to put their child’s best interests above their own desire (to parent). Of course we think these girls are heroes. If you were to walk a day in their shoes you would know how incredibly wonderful they are.