Three Things I Learned About Family from Hollywood Writers

In some circles, Hollywood is blamed for the demise of the American family. And it might be true. I’ve certainly blown a gasket or two watching a character on tv make terrible, uninformed choices that wreck their imaginary life. (Of course, now that I think about it, I’ve also been doing the same thing while watching real-life situations.)

But there are things we can learn from Hollywood writers, things that will make our families stronger. Hollywood writers have some things figured out. What they know and apply in their writing are the reasons many of us keep tuning in. And even if you don’t watch much, you can learn something from them too.

WHAT HOLLYWOOD WRITERS KNOW (and we should put to work):

1. A Family has to be in the Same Place.

In the series I’m currently watching via Netflix, the family of four grown children often gathers at their parents’ home for large family dinners. Or sometimes a couple of sisters show up at the sister-in-law’s house to watch her try on outfits for a job interview the next day. In these scenes family secrets are revealed, problems are solved, or passions are exposed. Hollywood writers know that the only way action can happen is if the characters are in the same space with each other, so they create reasons to get them in the same room or yard or coffee shop.

If I want my family to experience anything like the moonlit pasta dinners on the patio that look so romantic on the tv, then I’ve got to start by making the effort to be in close proximity to the people I truly cherish. No one wants to watch a movie where the family members spend all day watching different tv’s in separate rooms of the house. Boring.

This is why my three daughters are on a roadtrip with Mom this weekend. It’s why I try to go out of my way to visit my sisters, even if it costs money or I have to take time off work. This is why we always want to live in close proximity to our family (one side or the other). This is why we eat dinner together at the table and why we keep everyone up past their bedtime to see Jesse play basketball in a tiny gym. We can’t have a relationship if we aren’t in the same room.

2. A Family has to Expect Conflict.

This is why we watch every week! Again, the movie wouldn’t be worth watching if it tried to tell the story of a perfect family with no problems. We know each episode is going to feature a problem. At least one character is going to do something stupid and it isn’t going to be comfortable. But, in the end, the path through conflict is what makes the family strong, honest, and changed.

Don’t be afraid of your mistakes, your bad attitudes, or your failures. But don’t pretend they aren’t there, either. In the best tv dramas the characters have to face-off and work it out. Otherwise we wouldn’t want to watch. Be that brave in your own home and family. Conflict makes way for change.

3. A Family has to Dialogue.

Talk it out. Serenity referenced this idea in a post once about how the show Felicity was created on the foundation of one character saying to another character, “Can we talk?” And then they do. Much of the work I do with college students is related to this as well. We just don’t communicate like we should. We read a situation, make a judgement, and then go silent and bitter. That doesn’t happen as much in the movies or on tv becuase who would watch hour after hour of people not fixing things? No one.

How do you create dialogue? You talk. You ask questions. You don’t let things go unsaid. It’s much easier for Hollywood actors because someone else gives them the words and sets up the confrontation, but I really believe our ability to communicate with our spouses, children, and extended loved ones is a key to making it through this life on the same team. We have to talk.

So even if Hollywood doesn’t write enough good stories, I believe they do have something to offer us as we pursue healthy, honest family life. It’s pretty simple, really. We’ve got to get together. We can’t be afraid of conflict. And we need to communicate.

The End.

*photo credit here