Probably Good Advice for Singles
There is a famous conversation that went down a couple of years ago between me and my friend Christie. Maybe it was infamous. Anyway, Christie and I were talking about the positive traits we had discovered about our husbands after we married. We were mentioning things like being good with money, knowing how to change diapers, being open-minded to new things, etc. Unfortunately, we were having this very positive conversation in the context of (and this is about the point when our husbands joined the table) “Things We’d Know To Look For If We Had To Get Married Again.”
I think you can see where things went wrong during that lunch hour. And our husbands still don’t believe that we were complimenting them.
You get us, right? I mean, who knew Dan would call my Mom when I’m sick (so she could bring over Mountain Dew) and teach the kids to let me nap while he fixed dinner? I wasn’t smart enough as a single to look for this kind of thing, but I totally lucked out! (He also does laundry. I knew this in theory, but in practice it is WAY better than I thought it would be. I mean, all the laundry.)
So, speaking of things to look for . . . What are some of your spouse’s positive traits that you didn’t know about until after you married? Go ahead, brag!
I didn’t know that through church issues that could have turned into faith issues, his faith would actually be more steady, more Calvinistic than mine. I never would have guessed he would write me letters while at work and PUT THEM IN THE MAIL for me to receive a day or so later. I didn’t realize how many things he could fix. (Pretty much anything he wants to). Yea, I didn’t really know anything except that I wanted to hang out with him the rest of his life and laugh at his jokes.
I didn’t know how good he’d be at helping with the dishes and chores. Or how nice it would be to snuggle up next to him EVERY night.
I knew he was very affirming before marriage, but now . . I NEVER doubt how much he loves me, because he proclaims it daily in “high definition”.
That he would eat anything I put on the table and never once in 36 years complain. That he would love my parents as much as I do. That he would contribute such fanstastic genes to our offspring
oh gosh… my standards are so high at this point, i think i’ll become a nun <_< haha..
seriously tho: thanks for the advice!
Well, that is the funny thing, kate. Some of my standards were high in all the wrong places!
(And it is about this time in the conversation that the guys started majorly protesting!)
mm… what?
Umm … mostly superficial things, like how tall he should be or the color of his hair. Also, things I used to look at were about his “calling” or “anointing” and now I’m so glad we turned out to be compatible people – no matter what we “do” with our professional or ministerial lives. We just like being together and I didn’t know then how important that would be.
ah, i see… thanks for expounding on that. i’ve realized that i need to let up on the height/hair color sort of stipulations at this point, and am sticking to the requirements that serenity listed: wanting to hang out with him forever and laugh at his jokes.
but i think your mom probably pegged the number one demand: fantastic genes.
I never knew that when I was feeling sick and about to throw up that he would rush to the bathroom, not just to sit by my side, but to first thoroughly clean the toilet. I never knew that he would give me two babies at once, and then be so everyday overjoyed about all the crazy chaos it means for us.
1) I didn’t know how good he was at math and all the practical benefits of this trait. (I count on my fingers to add)
2) I didn’t know how kind he is to animals and how good he is to his mom.
3) I didn’t know that he could handmake gnocchi.
I didn’t know to marry a man that was as good at being tender as he is at being strong. Nice for me and even more so for our kids.
I didn’t know to look for someone that is quick to say, I’m sorry and even quicker to forgive me when I’m an idiot.
OH, and in this age of technology — MARRY A COMPUTER GEEK — the money you will save (and the toys you will have around) are awesome.
I’m not married yet, but loooved reading these. Like Kate said, I’ve realized that for now my biggest stipulation I have is that I want to be with him. Forever. And that he makes me laugh. Hopefully, some of those others will come along with it too!
Ahhh, these are all so sweet. That may be the best lesson of all: you are in for surprises and many of them will be wonderful!
(Also, yes, marry a computer geek! Excellent advice.)
Kate told me to come read this, and I am glad I did! Being single, with not a (known) prospect in sight, these are good tips.
I am known by my friends to have quite the list of “must haves” in a guy, but lately, I’ve been thinking that I may need to trim that list down. Otherwise, Kate and I may be joining that nunnery together. 
One day, when I find him, I am going to come back to this blog and tell you what I’ve discovered!
1. I didn’t know that he would ever learn to cook anything on low heat! Now he makes a mean grilled steak or pork with various combinations of grilled vegetables.
2. I could not have imagined he would be an excellent grandpa who spends hours taking the grandkids fishing, hunting, and on golf cart rides around the farm. I often wonder where was this man when my children were small? Then I remember he was working overtime to allow me to stay at home with them.
3. I could not have imagined that I would love him more deeply with each year we are blessed to spend together – 38 and counting.
Well… since we’ve got the feminine viewpoint down well enough
I too had a “list”, however I lucked out and got more than I ever wanted in my wife. However my wife will tell you that at first she was hesitant. So a tip for those young singles: don’t shrug off every suitor, the pauper is sometimes a prince.
Marry again!?!?! There isn’t another one out there like him. You know they say everyone is replaceable–don’t you believe it!! He is NOT replaceable, under any circumstances. The list?
……he loves me, he’s faithful, he’s patient, kind, compassionate, and merciful. And after 33 years, he is perfect for me…what a God we have to give me Rog
I didn’t know he would be so patient and understanding even when things just don’t go right.
I so enjoyed reading this! I said to a friend once, would you want him to comfort you in a time of loss? If she had asked me 20 years ago, I probably would have said something “like are his eyes blue?” My perspective has changed a little since then. =)