Does This Social Networking Site Make Me Shallow? Or Better?
Occasionally I start to tweet something and change my mind because of someone I’m “friends” with on Facebook and what they might think. I suddenly get the feeling that someone is peering through my front windows and judging my life. (I haven’t yet sent a tweet that gives me that kind of caution, in case you were already worried.)
But I wonder, does that make me shallow? I mean, shouldn’t I be the same person to my Tweeps and my Faces? What exactly am I hiding? Perhaps social networking has suddenly given us the ability to be one person instead of a fragmented mess of student, laborer, family member, etc. All of my roles that can remain separated by time or space come crashing together in a cyber reality. Sure, I can do a good amount of impression management from Facebook and Twitter, but I also put my “person” out there for ALL to see – and I wonder if some people see a person they never really knew?
OR – does Facebook make me a better person? Does the awareness of how many people are going to read my thoughts make me less likely to say something I would probably regret anyway? Could the Facebook me be the best version of myself? You now, right, that employers have been known to skip over candidates whose social networking profiles included compromising photos and commentary? Could putting my “best face forward” actually help me be a better person?
What do you think, Tweeps and Faces? Are we more, or less, ourselves in the age of social networking? Who really knows the REAL you?
I simply try to remember not to post anything to anyplace that I wouldn’t want everyone to read. Places like twitter and facebook are simply tools to keep people connected and somewhat updated on what is going on….it’s not a place to share personal info because once it is out there….IT IS OUT THERE!…scary. Twitter and Facebook serve the purpose of keeping people you care about connected with you so that when you see them again in a year or two…or at the next meeting…..you have something to talk about and they don’t feel like you’ve fallen off the face of the earth. If you use apps that automatically update your status no matter where you update (twitter automatically updates with your facebook), then you don’t have to be two diff. people…you simply only post what you’d want EVERYONE to know about you. Want to go deep with someone?….send an email..lol….or blog…which you already do. I dont’ think watching what you state as your status makes you shallow…it simply makes you wise and knowledgable in the purpose of the tool. To answer your question “Do Tweeps and Faces know the real you?”….I think they do…they simply don’t know all of you. HA!
The GREAT OBED speaks! Hi, Friend! Good perspective. Thanks.
I think there’s a major danger of social networking making me more shallow. I’m afraid I have friends on there that when I see them in person we actually won’t have anything to say at all. Because reading each other’s statuses is so different from knowing each other. I had twitter and facebook connected for this reason – b/c I wanted everyone to see the same me. Now I separate them for some things I say on twitter, not because I’m afraid of what my fbookers will think but because I don’t want to bore them (if I’m linking a lot or writing about writing). They are used for slightly different purposes I think, so that makes sense to me now.
As for self-censorship, I think there’s an extent to which it makes you better. Especially if you stop yourself from expressing a strong, angry, or rash opinion that could very well change when you have more time to think or someone else to listen to. But if there’s something you know moved you or mattered to you, and you’re worried what people will think about that – I say go for it. We’re all so full of layers. I think that’s what makes getting to know each other so fun.
Oh Felic, I am so glad you posted this today. I share the same thoughts as Seren, and Obed, (amen to the “they simply don’t know all of you”) I have to be honest and say that I get very skittish at times in facebook, more so than twitter. Twitter for me is more abstract, I can shoot something out there and walk away (thats the feeling I have). But facebook, man! It CAN be a virtual window to my soul if I let it. But I’m afraid to let it most of the time, hence my status updates are mostly fluffy fun.
Geez, thats a phrase that best describes me. Fluffy fun. I don’t know if thats good or bad. LOL.
I tend to stay far far away from political posts or rants that include ‘colorful’ language, etc. There are some ‘over-sharers’ in there as well, and that’s okay, it’s their facebook after all. I think where I get disappointed is when MY status update is taken over by aliens and it goes south, very far away from my intended destination. But…I started it, by posting, I suppose.
P.S. LUV the pic
Sincerely and with tweet/face luv
Tiff
Layers – yes, I get that.
And I do hate the status update abduction – no fun! : )
I used to be more comfortable on Facebook until we were accused of bad mouthing our former church. Funny thing is, I went back 6 months in status updates and could only find 1 comment from each of us that might have remotely been construed as a slam against the church that laid my husband off – if you were searching really hard and twisted our words opposite to our intent. They also said whenever we made positive comments about our new church – 10 hours away that hired the same man they fired – we were slamming their church in a devious manner. Umm, it seems we are not allowed to be happy independent of that church. Remember when I took a Facebook sabbatical? It was in part because I was so hurt and angry I had to take a break.
I am not a US Citizen, so I don’t think the freedom of speech amendment applies to me. After that, I ended up deleting almost 200 ‘friends’ so I could speak freely. I also disconnected my Twitter account from my Facebook so I could speak freely.
Right now, I have a new alter ego on Twitter that speaks my mind. She takes over my fingers and says thoughts I’m thinking but would never share with anyone. She is evil. And American, so she has freedom of speech protected under the US constitution.
I was just discussing this with Scott. I see several “friends” whose updates don’t match the person I know them to be in real life. It’s like they try to project this persona online that life is all warm and fuzzy. They don’t dare to post anything that could be considered “real” feelings because that would take away from who they want everyone else to think they are.
I don’t know that I self-sensor my updates that much. I edit them for grammer, and am so embarrassed when I post a typo! But then, that’s how I am in real-life also. Pretty anal and picky about that kind of stuff.
I do avoid having any friends on facebook that I work with at my current company. I just think it’s a bad idea. I’ve trolled pages of some work friends (who don’t know to use the privacy settings) and I see what they update (posts with cussing, things they do on weekends I’d rather not know about, pictures we shouldn’t see, etc) and I just don’t want to open that can of worms. It’s not so much I don’t want them to know about me, I don’t want to know that much about them!
Plus, like Widneywoman said, so many people take something you post out of context and twist it. And we have lots of gossips at my company and I don’t need something getting started that isn’t true just because a gossiper sees something innocent and takes it out of context.
Not sure I answered in the true intent of your question, but those are my thoughts on it either way.
Carol
I’ve wondered about this myself – even with blogging, there’s a lot of editing and/or censoring that goes on. It’s partly to protect my privacy, but I think sometimes I worry about how people will see me. I think Facebook and Twitter represent different aspects of the real me – though neither can accurately capture the whole.
Fascinating post – and I love the photo!
Yes, misunderstandings are my greatest Facebook/Twitter fear! I know you only have 140 characters (or as much as a person reads) to explain yourself, and sometimes I fear that isn’t enough. And no one wants to be misunderstood.
Thanks, everyone, for all the comments. Looks like we’re all thinking through the same issues!
Long time reader, first time poster… I think the same thing all the time… One day I was having a particularly bad day; was sick, grumpy and it was cold outside.. and I tweeted that I “felt like a piece of crap today”… and went about my day. The first comment on FB was from your mother… with a genuine: “sorry you feel that way”… reading that caused me to snap out of it and push through for the rest of the day. Since then I don’t post when having a bad day
I do however try to be obscure and abstract with my tweets, solely to see what people say…
in case you didn’t know this is Josh Smith
Hmm…I definitely hold back on my blog and on Facebook/Twitter. I love reading about other people’s lives and it’s nice to know I’m not alone, but I also hold back a little place in my life.
I need a private sphere, just for me and my loved ones.
I actually get irritated with people on Facebook who are too honest and unfiltered. In truth, most of my Facebook “friends” are really just acquaintances. I know who they are and care enough about them that I enjoy hearing the funny thing their kid said or what kind of day they’re having, but in recent instances, opinions that have been expressed by people that I thought I liked have been extremely offensive and violate every value I hold dear. It’s made me realize that I would never actually want to be friends with those people in real life. And the unfiltered “us” is best reserved for the people that we live real life with and can have conversations that clarify opinions and allow for more nuance than a status update or tweet. I think that part of what separates children from adults is the ability to filter and communicate without giving offense. Shallowness comes from the inner man–not the outward expression.